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- careercoach@carolmillar.co.za
These may be symptoms of early environmental failures, adverse childhood experiences and complex developmental trauma.
As children, our survival depends entirely on our caregivers. We rely on them to meet our fundamental needs and to provide us with security and connection. When these needs are not consistently met—when we are not seen, heard, or understood—it can overwhelm and frighten us as developing individuals. As children, we lack the understanding that these failures lie in our environment, not within ourselves.
To cope with the longing for safety and connection, we often internalize a belief that we are somehow at fault—that we are inherently bad, too much, or flawed in some way. This belief can lead us to develop adaptive strategies to disconnect from overwhelming feelings of rage, sadness, or despair. Alternatively, we may turn these emotions inward, directing them at ourselves and believing we are unworthy of love.
These adaptive strategies are crucial for surviving challenging experiences during childhood. However, as we grow from childhood into adulthood, we may become closely identified with these strategies and the accompanying behavioral patterns. Over time, we might begin to believe that these strategies define who we are.
In this process, the very strategies and fear-based beliefs that once protected us can become self-limiting and filled with self-judgment. They can disconnect us from our true, authentic selves, leaving us with a lingering sense of incompleteness or not fully being ourselves
PTSD (shock trauma) and CPTSD (developmental trauma) are often confused, but they arise differently — and call for different kinds of support.
A single overwhelming event
Usually the result of one identifiable incident — an accident, an assault, a disaster — that overwhelms the nervous system’s ability to cope in the moment.
Built up in relationship, over time
Occurs over time, within close relationships that leave a child feeling unsafe or helpless — when needs go consistently unmet, the child often internalizes the failure as their own fault, and builds adaptive strategies to cope that can persist into adulthood.
In short: shock trauma is the nervous system’s response to a single overwhelming moment; developmental trauma is what forms gradually when a child’s core needs for safety, attunement, and connection aren’t consistently met — leaving strategies of self-protection that can outlive their usefulness well into adulthood.
At Mind Body Wellness, we are dedicated to guiding you on a journey of healing and growth through the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). Our mission is to support you in understanding and overcoming the challenges that impact your emotional well-being and personal development.
Hello and welcome. My name is Carol Millar I am an experienced Life Coach (COMENSA) and qualified High school educator / counsellor and special needs teacher. In addition, I have trained as a NARM therapist.
Working with children and teenagers gave me a greater understanding of how environmental failures impact on the developing child in terms of the adaptive strategies that they have to develop to manage their experience.
Ready to begin your journey with NARM? We are here to answer your questions and help you take the first step.